Fog is here, now early in the morning! You too can drive down to Barton Springs at dawn and see the fog hover over the water before a quick swim. Watch the way it clings to the buildings of the skyline! See how it does that thing with the sunrise light!
02 Object (old)
I’m moving, so this month I’ve touched everything I own twice. Why I am I so brutal to my books and shoes? Ugh. It hurts me to think I treat my things like they’re unbreakable. I stashed the cards from my birthday in the back of my closet. My mom sent me one from my dog and she drew the outline of his paw. She signs her name MoM because she is an expert in making things special, like her signature, like breakfasts, or like having roses all over the house.
03 Object (new)
I’ve wanted a new perfume for months and I finally got together some money to buy the one I wanted. Or I finally rationalized spending a bit of money on the perfume I wanted. If I was a millionaire, I’d have hundreds of perfumes and I’d travel to remote islands and jungles to capture exotic scents and bring them home. Sometimes I wear this hair gel my mom used to put on after she went swimming at the public pool. My hair looks like I’ve been pulled out of a bathroom drain, but it smells like the start of every good summer morning from age 5 – 11. My new perfume smells like a memory too, like trying to be an adult when I was 15.
Too wrapped up in worry and self absorption to be surprised this month.
A friend and I drove to a bodega to buy wine. I pulled into the parking lot and maneuvered around this gigantic jeep taking up two parking spaces. A middle aged man with a thick THICK black mustache was in the driver's seat, and a Halloween decoration was in the passengers seat behind him. I was in awe, took a photo, and gave him compliments.
06 Night Out
As I pulled into my driveway late last night, I had this wave of deep wishing it was my home driveway and I was 15, 16, or 17 and about to crawl into bed, grab at blankets with abandon, open a window to cool air, and lay down buzzing with the evening's activities. When I got into my own bed I thought that the good act of growing older was to feast on this bittersweet nostalgia like it was a steak dinner.
07 Day Out
I think Austin might be the least interesting place I’ve lived. You know, most days I go to Whole Foods. I feel like admitting that brings me one step closer to going berserk. Someone told me to “imagine this place as social experiment of millennial society.” I wanted to slap myself across the face hearing that. Yet, I’m here. I’ve built a vision here. I spent the day out at the Domain, a mini-town built around an outdoor shopping mall. I bought beauty products and turned my brain off. It takes a lot more effort to find the meaning of existence.
08 Time Alone
I spend a lot of time alone combing through thoughts and ideas. On good days it’s a head full of imagination, on bad days it’s a head fully of worry. I tried meditating once or twice this month but hated it. Sitting in a chair with my eyes closed is painful to me. I like to walk alone, or be alone on my ceramic wheel for meditation. I like to daydream which a pretty solitary activity. Right now I’m realizing that a lot of the time I spend alone is on the computer doing work or surfing around. This feels like the anti-alone to me, because I’m fielding a barrage of images and information. If I was to break it down, I’d say I spent 10% time alone, 20% in the anti-alone, 36% with company and 33% asleep.
09 Time With A Friend
This has been a stressful month. I can feel this strain in the words I’m writing. I’m sorry. It feels like my face is made of stone and barely moves and my thoughts are also made of stone and I carry this heavy head with me everywhere. One night I was sitting and chatting with a friend at an event in my coffee shop. We both started laughing at the way she said “Congrats." Then we couldn’t stop saying “Cuhhnn-graaahhtzz” and laughing uncontrollably. I was wiping away tears and pounding the table with my fist. That kind of moment is the magic of friendship to me, a glorious cure-all. Is that what grace is? I’m always wondering what grace is.
010 Movie / TV / Book
Trying to find a date to see "The Handmaiden."
Excitement for "Westworld" seems to have already peaked for me, but I still think about Ed Harris a lot.
Reading The Golden Notebook which my mom gave me ages ago and I’ve carted all the way to Texas to sit on a shelf for six months. I like it.
011 Creative Act
On a lazy day off I was wandering around trying to decide what to eat, and I ended up in this Argentinian restaurant having an ok meal and getting a gigantic cookie to go. I went home and made a cookie review video about it like I was a YouTube star. I texted it to some friends. I like doing things like that.